On the Track - Some Bush Humour

Alexander Vindex Vennard (1884-1947), collected yarns, ballads and anecdotes about bush life, which were published for about twenty-five years in a regular column 'On the Track' for the "North Queensland Register" and "Townsville Daily Bulletin". He adopted the pseudonym 'Bill Bowyang' after the straps buckled over trousers below the knees. 

Some Bush Humour

By "Bill Bowyang."
Written in 1922.

Teamsters and farmers bestow some quaint names on their horses. In the Bowen district a farmer owns a pair of horses which are very appropriately known as "Touch" and "Go." Not long since I travelled behind two flighty pony mares, one of which was called "Ellen," and the other "Blazes." They went like that, too!

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Read recently in a Southern paper that the largest-known grasshoppers are to be found in South America. Well, I once met a Yankee near Hughenden, who admitted that ours were the largest, but he was looking at a mob of kangaroos.

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Many parsons in the bush collect little enough in the way of salary, but I've met many of them that would not accept payment for jobs legitimately deserving of remuneration. In a township where I passed away a week recently there was a thriving store-keeper who attended his baby's christening, and attempted to press some money on the clergyman who officiated. The parson refused, and indicated a hospital box which had remained hopelessly empty for weeks. "Put the money in here, Mr Dash," he said, "and I may have some luck in getting the box filled." Dash dropped the coin in. After he had gone, the clergyman peeped in to see what sort of a start he'd got. There was one penny inside. And the kiddy had been christened, Charity.

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I was standing in front of a little bush station the other day when the train came in. Only one passenger alighted, and as the train moved out she rushed up to the stationmaster. 

"Oh, my goodness!" she exclaimed, "I've left my parcel in the train." 

"Well," snapped the official, "I can't catch the engine, can I?" 

He pulled out a notebook. 

"I'll make enquiries," he said. "What was it? Sewing?" 

"Sewing!" sobbed the woman. "No, it contained four bottles of beer for my husband." 

The stationmaster sprang into action immediately, and running to the telephone rang up the next station along the line. 

"Search the train when it arrives," he said, "important parcel left in second-class carriage."

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Sources:

1. On the Track. (1922, February 2). Townsville Daily Bulletin (Qld. : 1907 - 1954), p. 2.
2. Coo-ee in the Bush, 1874, Samuel Thomas Gill, Mitchell Library, State Library of New South Wales